Sunday, June 7, 2009

I'm so fucking bored of waiting for my life to start! I need a catalyst! I'm actually bored of talking about now boring my life is! Hahaha I want to lose it. I want to go crazy.
I haven't cried in ages now, not from emotion anyways.... probably more than year. Wow. That's impressive.
I've just realised my train of thought is all over the place.
I'm searching the web reading other people's thoughts. People my age mainly or a bit older or younger. People are very very fucked up.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Joker Logic 05/06

What doesn't kill you simply makes you stranger.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Somewhere I Belong- 02/06

We went to Northern Ireland today. Things are cheaper and we’re poor so it’s a pretty good mix. We went for random things, like sausages you can’t buy in the Republic, deodorant, butter and clothes. Well, I realised something, even I can’t escape greed. These THINGS! Things we don’t need! But I want them and more importantly I don’t want to want them. It’s uncontrollable! I hate them, the corporate brands and labels that cause us to want more and more.

I’m happy with what I’ve got. I am, until advertising and promotions are slammed in our faces. Then everyone gets the “new” thing. Whatever it is. Phones. IPods. Cars. Whatever. I don’t want these things! I don’t need them, I know this and yet I want to belong somewhere, I want to just fit in! So badly, that I want these things. Don’t ask me why I want to fit in, because I don’t know. I just want too. No. I need too, something I actually need to do. I used to feel like I belonged....

I haven’t felt like I have since I left England. Now I’ve feel I’ve changed and now... I won’t fit in anywhere. Ever again. To be accepted and to belong. To find that place, the place where you’re needed, the place where you just fit. I need that again. It was nice. You know, while it lasted.

Anyway, we got cheap alcohol as well which is a plus! Underage drinking is vital to society, without us this recession would have hit years ago. I’m a little confused now about you know finishing school and stuff...

I mean I wanna say “Ok what now? You put me through 14 years of torture and misery, where next? I’ve survived so now what?”

They say “Time to face the real world. Time to go it alone”

I say “Oh yeah, shit.”

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Summer of Meaninglessness

Why do all the adults complain about working long hours and living in a meaningless time but do nothing about it? I'm tried of hearing it. They moan about their lives and then they get old and moan about other people's lives.
I'm bored of just being. I want a war. I want to see democracy fall. I want to be alive to watch the world end. I want to see Judgement Day.
Maybe I need a hobby. I NEED something. Someone.
Just keep going something will happen. Something interesting. Something amazing.
I want to be a part of something bigger. I need to know there is something bigger than just me.
I need to know I'm not alone. That we're not alone, another generations of useless people.
The more useful inventions and gadgets get the more useless people become.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

It All Makes A Difference

So if you wanna burn yourself remember that I love you,
And if you wanna cut yourself remember that I love you,
And if you wanna kill yourself remember that I love you,
Call me up before your dead, we can make some plans instead,
Send me an IM, I'll be your friend.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

School's Out!

School is out for summer. Whether this is good or bad is yet to be decided. School is so oppressive and restricting I’m glad it’s over but at the same time it kept my mind off things. That’s always a plus.

God, sometimes I just wanna scream really, really loud.

Do you think humans are just here to live and die or do you think we have another purpose? I think our purpose is to bring about the apocalypse.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Contentment- My Personal Happiness

Thinking you're gonna die is really clarifying.
You know, the same old story.
You find a mushroom you think do I wanna get high? Over 180 species of mushrooms get you high. You then think, yes. Anything but the mundane world we're trapped in. So you eat the mushroom. You check on-line to see if it's poisonous. You check. You're not sure. You read how that if it is poisonous you will have to wait two days then you'll start vomiting. On the sixth day you'll die, you're liver will be destroyed and you will die.
Exciting, right?
Anyway I at ethe mushroom. We ate them. We don't get high. That's very bad. Wow only two options left. Either there edible, normal mushrooms growing wild or... well... there, not.
And I was thinking last night what if? What if I died in six days time. The funny thing was I wasn't scared, I wasn't even sad for the people I would leave behind. Mental clarity hit me. The things I want to say to people. The people who I don't want in my life anymore. The people I want in my life. The people I would miss. The things I'd wished I'd said and done.
Then I realised I would probably regret a lot of things.
Regret them. But not change them if I'd changed what I've done. I'd change myself. If I behaved like anyone but myself, who was I?
I was happy, in that moment with everything I had done and had. I would give anything to feel like that all the time. It's what we all want isn't it?