Sunday, May 31, 2009

Summer of Meaninglessness

Why do all the adults complain about working long hours and living in a meaningless time but do nothing about it? I'm tried of hearing it. They moan about their lives and then they get old and moan about other people's lives.
I'm bored of just being. I want a war. I want to see democracy fall. I want to be alive to watch the world end. I want to see Judgement Day.
Maybe I need a hobby. I NEED something. Someone.
Just keep going something will happen. Something interesting. Something amazing.
I want to be a part of something bigger. I need to know there is something bigger than just me.
I need to know I'm not alone. That we're not alone, another generations of useless people.
The more useful inventions and gadgets get the more useless people become.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

It All Makes A Difference

So if you wanna burn yourself remember that I love you,
And if you wanna cut yourself remember that I love you,
And if you wanna kill yourself remember that I love you,
Call me up before your dead, we can make some plans instead,
Send me an IM, I'll be your friend.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

School's Out!

School is out for summer. Whether this is good or bad is yet to be decided. School is so oppressive and restricting I’m glad it’s over but at the same time it kept my mind off things. That’s always a plus.

God, sometimes I just wanna scream really, really loud.




Do you think humans are just here to live and die or do you think we have another purpose? I think our purpose is to bring about the apocalypse.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Contentment- My Personal Happiness

Thinking you're gonna die is really clarifying.
You know, the same old story.
You find a mushroom you think do I wanna get high? Over 180 species of mushrooms get you high. You then think, yes. Anything but the mundane world we're trapped in. So you eat the mushroom. You check on-line to see if it's poisonous. You check. You're not sure. You read how that if it is poisonous you will have to wait two days then you'll start vomiting. On the sixth day you'll die, you're liver will be destroyed and you will die.
Exciting, right?
Anyway I at ethe mushroom. We ate them. We don't get high. That's very bad. Wow only two options left. Either there edible, normal mushrooms growing wild or... well... there, not.
And I was thinking last night what if? What if I died in six days time. The funny thing was I wasn't scared, I wasn't even sad for the people I would leave behind. Mental clarity hit me. The things I want to say to people. The people who I don't want in my life anymore. The people I want in my life. The people I would miss. The things I'd wished I'd said and done.
Then I realised I would probably regret a lot of things.
Regret them. But not change them if I'd changed what I've done. I'd change myself. If I behaved like anyone but myself, who was I?
I was happy, in that moment with everything I had done and had. I would give anything to feel like that all the time. It's what we all want isn't it?

Saturday, May 23, 2009

We Never Asked to Live

What am I meant to do? I don’t want to work from 9 to 5 then go home to a shit house and the prospect of going to work again the next day. I’m already fed up of wishing for the weekend, I’m fed up of meeting expectations, I’m fed of myself. Am I it? Am I really all I’ve got to offer? No superpowers, no special abilities, no hidden talents? Yes this is it. I am not special, I will achieve nothing, and yes bringing me up was a total waste of your time.

I will not spend my life bringing up another kid like me, another meaningless existence in history. I could not let my kid actually think they were going to be someone then just watch uselessly as it slowly dawned on them that they were not special to anyone. They may become a part of someone’s life for maybe months or even years. But not special, and never ever unique. They would not change the world how they had always dreamed they had. They would not fall in love forever. They would one day die and people would forget them.


Why would anyone inflict that on another?

" The very best thing is utterly beyond your reach: not to have been born, not to be, to be nothing. However, the second best thing for you to do is: to die soon." Aristotle.

What did I think I would be? I never really wanted to be anything... not really. Not a lawyer or a doctor or even a princess. I don’t want to save lives or take them. I have interests but nothing realistic. I hate that word “realistic”. Realism is the destroyer of hopes, dreams and aspirations. Realism was made by man. I want to live in fiction.